i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
