Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
