capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
