Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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