You're so nebulous sometimes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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