So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
