Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
