Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
