i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
