I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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