I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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