he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
