i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can I color on your dick again?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
