John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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