She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
