Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
