i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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