My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
