What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
