You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
