your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
