I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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