He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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