ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
