I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
