Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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