Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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