Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
