flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
