I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
