i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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