holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
