Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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