Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
