Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your cock deserves a montage
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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