when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
