Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
