The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
