everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
