The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
