Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
