If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
