So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sext me about skeletons
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
