god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
