I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
