I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
