my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
