:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
