Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
