My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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