WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
