girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
