New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
